Navigating the Inner Critic: Unraveling the Negative Chatter Within

Have you ever experienced a bully showing up and saying that you are not good enough, you aren't ready, this thing you are going to tackle is not going to work out?

Hmmm .... well, that bully is the creepy inner critic inside our heads that seems so powerful, logical, almost bigger than us and we listen to this negative talk.

The inner critic, voice of self-doubt, stems from our primal instincts for survival. We are biologically wired for the fight-or-flight response, which was fine when we were fighting off predators to survive on the planet. However, in today's world, our brain tends to misread certain situations, clouding our perception of what is going on and we spiral into an internal toxic Chatter.

We are born with this negativity bias, and over time, the inner critic is emboldened. It starts in childhood and continues, based on messages we receive from our parents, teachers, bosses, and anyone in an authority role. Additionally, societal and cultural factors contribute to the reinforcement of negative self perceptions. If we're constantly hearing that we're not good enough, or that we're not living up to our potential, then it's not surprising that we develop a negative view of ourselves.

The inner critic can be a real obstacle to our success and happiness. It can hold us back from taking risks and trying new things. It can make us doubt our abilities and second-guess our decisions. In short, it can make life a lot harder than it needs to be.

So how can we deal with our inner critic? First, it's important to understand that the inner critic is not our friend. It's not there to help us, it's there to hold us back. Second, we need to learn to recognize the signs that the inner critic is at work. This can be anything from a feeling of anxiety or insecurity to a sense of worthlessness or hopelessness. Third, and most importantly, we need to learn how to counter the inner critic's negativity. In Barbara Fredrickson's Positivity Research, she identifies a 3:1 ratio , where we need three positives to combat one negative!

Some of the techniques that I have found helpful in overcoming the inner critic are:

1. Awareness - Know when your inner critic is speaking. This can be difficult because the voice of your inner critic can often sound like your own voice. This is the voice that uses words like "can't, impossible, and not". All the words that make us believe we are less than who we are.

2. Gentle Conversation - This may sound weird, but when the negative voice shows up, gently speak to her and let her know that she has intruded in on the conversation, and is not invited. It's like being at a party and you see someone you really don't want to talk to, so you politely acknowledge the person and move on. What's important here is that whatever you tell her, don't allow yourself to get angry or frustrated. Zero times anything, is always Zero.

3. Gratitude & Positive Affirmations - What am I grateful for in my life today? What are three positive things about me? Who loves me and supports me? This is not about sugar coating or making things up. This is taking action and intentionally seeking and focusing on positive thoughts and being grateful for what you do have.

4. Breathing - Box Breathing is a simple 4 step breathing exercise (diagram shown below). Focus on the breath.

5. Mindfulness - Take a few minutes to give your full attention to one thing. Perhaps it's a conversation with a person, listening to an Audible, looking at a picture on your wall, or doing a body scan. Again, if you get distracted or your thoughts stray, just let it go and bring your attention back.

6. Reframing - It's taking the situation and turning it into a gift or taking on an alternative perspective. As an example, you went in for a job interview, and you didn't get the job. The inner critic may say, "You bombed the interview", "You can't do this job anyway". "They didn't like you and they were never going to hire you." Instead, perhaps you say to yourself, "I didn't get this job, but that's ok, if I got one interview, I will get another one." "I learned a lot from the interview, and I'll take some of the lessons and apply them for my next interview." "This is actually fun! I am meeting some interesting people, and even if I don't work for this company, I have new people added to my network."

7. Empathy & Compassion - This is finding a way to be kind to yourself. Acknowledging all the wonderful things about yourself. Loving the imperfect you. When we learn to give ourselves grace, and not berate ourselves for misgivings, we can also see others through compassion and empathy.

Recognizing and unravelling the negative chatter within can help break the cycle of self-sabotage and self-limiting beliefs to foster resilience, a healthier mindset and a realistic self-perception.